The Flash: Keeping It On The Down-Low

Adobe Photoshop single-user license: $649.00
JLA #144 Near Mint condition: $45.00
The excitement on Robin's face: PRICELESS

"Iris, I wasn't with another woman."
"I was saving the planet with Superman, Batman and Robin."

What's amazing is I only had to change the narration caption, one word in Robin's ballon and three words in Batman's. Here're the original panels. This JLA issue featured the White Martins and a ton of guest stars. Not a bad story, but I don't think it had much sticking power in pre-COIE continuity.

"Truth in advertising": I did the panel changes in LViewPro (shareware) & Paint (Windows freebie) and the JLA#144 back issue only cost me $2.50.

I hope if Dick Dillin is reading this blog in heaven, he'll forgive me for desecrating his beautiful art work. But I just couldn't resist, those two panel were begging to be f*cked with.

Hal, Do You Have To Copy Everything Oliver Does?

First it was imitating Oliver's "soul-searching hippie" act in the '70s. Now Hal has to follow Ollie into politics.

What's next? Is Hal going to die and then come back from the dead!?!

NORTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN PARTY Raleigh, North Carolina 27605 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Friday, February 17, 2006

Hal Jordan Files To Run Against Speaker Jim Black

(RALEIGH) – Hal Jordan, a Republican from Charlotte, filed today to run against Speaker Jim Black in House District 100.

“I look forward to running against Speaker Jim Black and serving the citizens of southeast Mecklenburg in House District 100”, said Hal Jordan. “The allegations that have plagued the Speaker have cast a shadow of serious doubt over his credibility. My commitment is to be open and accountable in order to restore trust in the District 100 Representative.”

When Jordan was questioned by an ace reporter from The Planetary Chance Machine about his own past bad behavior, Jordan responded, "All that stuff when I killed a bunch of fellow Lanterns and the Guardians, tried to destroy the universe and in general acted like an asshat, well I was a really heavy drinker at the time. No wait, I was molested by a priest as a kid. No, no, I was possessed by a giant yellow cockroach. Yeah, that was it!"

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You see, Mark Foley, you should have tried the "giant yellow cockroach" excuse; at least you didn't evoke the "TWINKies" defense.

As for the much maligned giant yellow cockroach, Kalinara at Pretty, Fizzy Paradise has a great post on why the Parallax concept doesn't absolve Hal from his sins, in fact it highlights his fatal flaw, arrogance.

Finally, if anybody from the Jordan campaign happens to read this, don't get your knickers in a bunch! It's a joke for goodness sake. In fairness, here's the complete Hal Jordan press release (unfortunately without any TPCM wit).

The Secret Origin of...

Any Legion fan worthy of the title knows the Planetary Chance Machine was one of the zaniest devices from the Legion's Silver Age. Its function: to serve as a selection device, by smacking the Legionnaires with miniature versions of the planets.

The Planetary Chance Machine in action!
(And Superboy helpfully reminding Brainiac 5 what his name is.)

Apparently, the Capricious Decapitating Device had resulted in too many deaths during its initial testing, so the Legion had to settle on a less fatal but still pretty frelling sadistic way to pick mission members.

In honor of this insane contraption, you have before you The Planetary Chance Machine (TPCM). I'll be sharing whatever random sh*t gives me a laugh and in the process maybe give you a chuckle too. My humor can be of the "locker room" variety (see "The Flash: Keeping it on the down-low"), so if you don't care for that sort of thing, TPCM is probably not for you.

In addition to the humor, I plan on some comic reviews, pithy comments on modern culture and amateur nude photos of myself. (NOT really on that last one, but by typing that, I figure some poor schmuck googling for porn will eventually get this site as a hit!)

I can't promise daily updates, but I'll try to post more than once a year. Also, I'm using Blogger beta, so there may be unanticapted site issues; I'm a total HTML & CSS newbie.

For the record, there is a blog called "Planetary Chance Machine"; however, I found it only after I designed my logo (a totally kick-ass logo), so I HAD to stick with the name. Plus, this is THE Planetary Chance Machine.

But enough about this blog (if this were a origin story in 52, it would have taken 10 issues!),
LET THE MADNESS BEGIN.