Saturday, October 14, 2006

Hal, Do You Have To Copy Everything Oliver Does?

First it was imitating Oliver's "soul-searching hippie" act in the '70s. Now Hal has to follow Ollie into politics.

What's next? Is Hal going to die and then come back from the dead!?!

NORTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN PARTY
Raleigh, North Carolina 27605

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Friday, February 17, 2006

Hal Jordan Files To Run Against Speaker Jim Black

(RALEIGH) – Hal Jordan, a Republican from Charlotte, filed today to run against Speaker Jim Black in House District 100.

“I look forward to running against Speaker Jim Black and serving the citizens of southeast Mecklenburg in House District 100”, said Hal Jordan. “The allegations that have plagued the Speaker have cast a shadow of serious doubt over his credibility. My commitment is to be open and accountable in order to restore trust in the District 100 Representative.”

When Jordan was questioned by an ace reporter from The Planetary Chance Machine about his own past bad behavior, Jordan responded, "All that stuff when I killed a bunch of fellow Lanterns and the Guardians, tried to destroy the universe and in general acted like an asshat, well I was a really heavy drinker at the time. No wait, I was molested by a priest as a kid. No, no, I was possessed by a giant yellow cockroach. Yeah, that was it!"

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You see, Mark Foley, you should have tried the "giant yellow cockroach" excuse; at least you didn't evoke the "TWINKies" defense.

As for the much maligned giant yellow cockroach, Kalinara at Pretty, Fizzy Paradise has a great post on why the Parallax concept doesn't absolve Hal from his sins, in fact it highlights his fatal flaw, arrogance.

Finally, if anybody from the Jordan campaign happens to read this, don't get your knickers in a bunch! It's a joke for goodness sake. In fairness, here's the complete Hal Jordan press release (unfortunately without any TPCM wit).

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