Pi à la Mode

"Ray Palmer, you've been served!"

Explain the connection(s) between or among these elements (post title, caption and panel).

Dial B for Bye Bye Bye

In honor of a great comics blog on it's final (??) day.

The REAL reason
Thanagar could never win.

So who's sucking up to whom?

(Hey, at least those pesky girls aren't trying to talk in the background!)

Gone With The "Wein"

You report, we deride!


As God is my witness, I'll never go stealing again!

Editor's Note: Really folks, I didn't change this panel!

Monday Morning Misogyny

The TRUTH behind how Supergirl
ended up in the 31^st century!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water

From what I can tell, this may actually have been aired on the Cartoon Network Latin America!!

My apologies in advance to Scipio!

Part I

Part II

Cos's Costume Cavalcade, Part IA Cosmic Boy Fashion Retrospective

Motivated by SallyP's giggles at Cosmic Boy's various fashions, TPCM has dug deep into Cos's closet to reveal the exhaustive history of his Legion attire. I will rely on Blockade Boy, the world's foremost authority in super-hero haute couture, to correct any of my missteps in describing these "lovely" garments.

(TPCM trivia: Haute couture is actually a legally protected term!)

Let's begin with Cos's 1^st costume from his premier appearance in Adventure #247, 1958.

Here we see Cosmic Boy wearing a smart ensemble, a pink top accented with black and lavender sans-a-belt pants.

Encyclopedia Galactica...Early in it's history, the Legion required members to be inoculated against the "Stupidity Virus" (first identified, Old Earth sector "District of Columbia", circa January 2001). Instead of protecting Legionnaire's from the Stupidity Virus, the vaccine caused active infection, resulting in the need for Legionnaires to wear costumes bearing their names and have placards describing their super-powers.

On the occasion of his 2^nd appearance, Cosmic Boy had already changed uniforms; however, in fairness, so had Lightning Lad & Saturn Girl. (Thank God!)

Cos's new attire featured a more varied pink and lavender color scheme with the addition of re-dyed shoulder fins stolen from Lightning Lad's old costume.

Cover shot is shown to illustrate the color scheme was intended, not a result of bad reproduction and to provide a gratuitous Cos butt shot.

The third Legion story (Action Comics #267) featured Supergirl and another costume change for Rokk. In addition to the three founding members, we saw Chameleon Boy, Colossal Boy and Invisible Kid. The effects of the "Stupidity Virus" infection were still in evidence: The Legionnaires think they are the children of the Legionnaires seen in the two previous stories and still need written cards to remind them what their powers are!

Cos thought either lavender was "too gay" or his last costume was just "too busy".
These togs showed off an all-pink look (which is certainly much "less gay" than lavender).

"Hey, Lightning Lad. You may want to queer it down a notch there!
The whole "hands-on-the-hips" thing works for Superman.
It makes you, however, look like a pretentious queen!"

It can be argued the above panels represent the "final" Cosmic Boy uniform for many years. But, the right panel clearly shows the bottom half of Rokk's costume colored all pink, not with the black go-go shorts associated with his "classic look". To put any questions to rest, let's take a look at the next unequivocal shot of Cos's garb from Adventure #293, 1962. (Besides it gives me an excuse to use a panel showing the Brain-Globes of Rambat.)

It only took 4 years and almost the same number of costumes,
but Cosmic Boy finally had the togs that would last for 14 years.

From The Rimborian Working Girl's Guide to Cooking...For comfort food that's easy to make and will be sure to please both you and those pesky tricks who demand to be fed, try a simple, but delicious, dish of eggs scrambled with Rambatian Brain-Globes and served with a side of hash browns. To begin...

Here ends the Silver Age versions of Cosmic Boy's attire. Next we'll venture boldly into the costumes from the Bronze Age and beyond!

Coming tomorrow from TPCM,
Cos's Costume Cavalcade, Part II.

TPCM Note: Panel placement edited to improve display at 800x600.

Exposition Gone Wild! Smallvillle Style

Is there ANY REASON to read the story?

5 + 2 = 7: 52 Week 26 in 7 panels

Bitty Broken Booster

Much Missed Martian


Waxing Wise Waverider

Mad Machination Misogyny

Slur Slinging Sivana
Raw Reptilian Romance

TPCM Note: Panel placement edited to improve display at 800x600.

TPCM Investigates:Of (Super) Human Bondage Redux

Can the Legion defeat a tyrant?
What is the secret of an enslaved planet?
Will Superboy remember his safeword!?!

Our TPCM investigative team wasn't satisfied with Superman's explanation of his behavior during the JLA's "Switcheroo Case", that his apparent fascination with being handcuffed was "all just a joke".

So we went forward to the past, 2976 specifically, and uncovered startling evidence of a young Superman's indoctrination into the world of B&D!

The TPCM staff can't decide which is more shocking:
Superboy's eagerness for discipline or Lightning Lad's knowing smirk.

You be the judge!

Coming soon from TPCM Investigates...
Green Lantern & Green Arrow:
What really happened in the back of that truck
during their "Search for America".
(Any resemblance to FVP023 is coincidental.)

Editor's Note: For a far less amusing version, i.e., the original, of the panel, click here.

A Halloween Fright, Legion-Style

The scariest thing you'll see on a comics blog
this Halloween or ever!

Not the Heart of Darkness totin' (already bat-sh*t crazy)
Jean Loring


Not the emo vampire,
Andrew Bennett of I, Vampire


Not even the Pre-COIE, possessed
Professor Lang!


No, ladies and gentleman,
I give you the most horrifying site
you will ever behold...



Steve Ditko's art on the Legion!!!
BE AFRAID!
BE VERY AFRAID!!

They Elected This Guy Mayor of Star City?

Ollie, did ya borrow that from Eros or
do you always carry golden arrows around?

Dorian at (postmodernbarney.com) was picking on Green Arrow earlier this week. So in my effort to prove I have absolutely no original contributions to the blogosphere and can only steal ideas from blogs far superior to my own, I thought I'd post these panels and take a shot at GA too!

In truth, after finishing my just-purchased Seven Soldiers trades, I wanted to re-read JLA #100-102, the first mention of the Nebula Man (albeit in flashback). When I happened upon these panels, I remembered Dorian's post and thought, "Why the hell not?" Hey folks, at least I'm stealing ideas from only the best blogs on the web!!

I understand these panels were needed to explain why nobody could deliver the Nebula Rod to The Hand That Holds The Earth without risk of death (and to set-up Red Tornado for the beginning of his never-ending death/resurrection cycle).

Fate's comment that Superman is venerable to magic holds water since the Nebula Man was at least partly magical in nature.

However, Green Arrow's point?

Take a look at the hand.

Do YOU see any damn golden wooden arrows poking out of that thing??

And I ask again, "Where the hell did GA get that arrow?"

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall...

Earlier this week, I had NPR's All Things Considered playing in the background. I was focused on my work, not really listening to the radio.

Until... I think I hear the words "reflecto porn".

It's amazing how rapidly the human brain can respond. Immediately my blogging-addled, randomly-firing neurons generated this:

Reflecto Porn
Noun
The explicit depiction of sexual subject matter, involving Superboy's body, inhabited by the amnesic consciousness of Ultra Boy and disguised as a red-headed third entity. May or may not include simulated snuff imagery.
Usage: Luornu was disturbed, yet somewhat aroused, after she inadvertently found Chuck's large collection of Reflecto porn.

The Legion of Superheroes #282 & #279, respectively

After "googling" the term, I discovered the truth of reflectoporn is far more horrifying than even my twisted mind could have envisioned!

Editor's Note: Turns out the NPR piece was an interview with Paul Dikson, the author of Slang: The Topical Dictionary of Americanisms.

Silver Sexist Gold

Scipio's announced The Absorbascon Balloon Awards contest, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to enter some Silver Age Legion panels with a recurring theme.

The first entry is by Ed Hamilton; the 2^nd two, Jim Shooter. In addition to the text entries as submitted, I'm posting the source panels as well.

Adventure Comics #319, "The Legion’s Suicide Squad", 1964
Spoken By: Brainiac 5
Spoken To: Saturn Girl
Situation: Using The Planetary Chance Machine, the Legion has just chosen members for a dangerous mission on the planet Throon. Brainiac 5 announces the selections.
Word Balloon: “Saturn Girl, Bouncing Boy Superboy, Lightning Lad, Chameleon Boy and Invisible Kid! But... It’s too dangerous for a girl! I must eliminate you, Saturn Girl!”
Virtues: Silver Age sexism means never having to say you’re sorry. (Plus the preceding panel has The Planetary Chance Machine. And not just any panel, but the very panel featured in the TPCM logo!)


Action Comics #378, "The Forbidden Fruit", 1969
Spoken By: Light Lass
Spoken To: Timber Wolf
Situation: Timber Wolf has become addicted to the Lotus Fruit, needs more and has met his dealer in an alley. After Light Lass floats away the basket of Forbidden Fruit, Timber Wolf asks, “What are you doing?”
Word Balloon: “Trying to help you, love!... Watch me! I’m wiring this basket... If one fruit so much as wiggles, the blast grenade strapped to my belt explodes! Touch that fruit and I die!”
Virtues: It provides an important lesson to all girlfriends in every time period: if you really loved your drug-crazed boyfriend, you’d be willing to let him kill you for a fix. F*ck rehab! (And Light Lass used that same tactic and those EXACT words AGAIN, after catching T-Wolf and Queer Legion in the boys dorm. I told T-Wolf he should lock the door. And let me tell you, you don't ever want Light Lass to wire your basket!)


Adventure Comics #368, The Mutiny of the Super-Heroines", 1968
Spoken By: Supergirl
Spoken To: Light Lass (on panel), Saturn Girl and Princess Projectra (off panel)
Situation: While the female Legion members “add feminine touches to their new dorm section” (Shooter’s exact words), they discuss the ambassador of Taltar, a planer ruled by women, where they, not men, are the dominant sex. Light Lass comments that Supergirl’s just as strong as Mon-El or Superboy.
Word Balloon: “Not really! Though our strength has never been accurately measured, theoretically, Superboy is stronger than I, just as a normal boy is stronger than a normal girl!”
Virtues: The only thing better than Silver Age sexism from the guys, is having the girls put themselves in their place!

TPCM Investigates:"Of (Super) Human Bondage"

"I don't need the key.
Me likey the handcuffs! Isn't that right, Batman?"

Justice League of America #168, "The Last Great Switcheroo"

After observing Superman's less than "Big Blue Boy Scout" behavior in JLA #144, the crack investigative team here at TPCM decided dig further into Superman's sordid sexual past.

And not since MSNBC's "To Catch A Predator"^* have we seen such depravity! Superman's into B&D!!

Tsk tsk, Kal-EL. What would Ma Kent think?

^*Editor's Note: If you haven't seen this MSNBC series, you should check it out. It's a great example of how video journalism has slipped from the low rung of "info-tainment" to the cesspool of "reality TV" all in the name of the public good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not "pro-predator", but come on, this is really bad!!

And an unedited panel, I swear. Thank you, Gerry Conway!!

And Now For Something Completely Different

The Spawn of Supergirl

Who knew that Tood McFarlane was a Supergirl fan back in the day?

This letter to the editor of The Superman Family #213 (1981) would have been written around the time McFarlane was 20/21, not too many years before he got his start in comics.

But the best part of The Superman Family #213:

Giant Hornets!

The Flash: Keeping It On The Down-Low

Adobe Photoshop single-user license: $649.00
JLA #144 Near Mint condition: $45.00
The excitement on Robin's face: PRICELESS

"Iris, I wasn't with another woman."
"I was saving the planet with Superman, Batman and Robin."

What's amazing is I only had to change the narration caption, one word in Robin's ballon and three words in Batman's. Here're the original panels. This JLA issue featured the White Martins and a ton of guest stars. Not a bad story, but I don't think it had much sticking power in pre-COIE continuity.

"Truth in advertising": I did the panel changes in LViewPro (shareware) & Paint (Windows freebie) and the JLA#144 back issue only cost me $2.50.

I hope if Dick Dillin is reading this blog in heaven, he'll forgive me for desecrating his beautiful art work. But I just couldn't resist, those two panel were begging to be f*cked with.

Hal, Do You Have To Copy Everything Oliver Does?

First it was imitating Oliver's "soul-searching hippie" act in the '70s. Now Hal has to follow Ollie into politics.

What's next? Is Hal going to die and then come back from the dead!?!

NORTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN PARTY Raleigh, North Carolina 27605 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Friday, February 17, 2006

Hal Jordan Files To Run Against Speaker Jim Black

(RALEIGH) – Hal Jordan, a Republican from Charlotte, filed today to run against Speaker Jim Black in House District 100.

“I look forward to running against Speaker Jim Black and serving the citizens of southeast Mecklenburg in House District 100”, said Hal Jordan. “The allegations that have plagued the Speaker have cast a shadow of serious doubt over his credibility. My commitment is to be open and accountable in order to restore trust in the District 100 Representative.”

When Jordan was questioned by an ace reporter from The Planetary Chance Machine about his own past bad behavior, Jordan responded, "All that stuff when I killed a bunch of fellow Lanterns and the Guardians, tried to destroy the universe and in general acted like an asshat, well I was a really heavy drinker at the time. No wait, I was molested by a priest as a kid. No, no, I was possessed by a giant yellow cockroach. Yeah, that was it!"

###

You see, Mark Foley, you should have tried the "giant yellow cockroach" excuse; at least you didn't evoke the "TWINKies" defense.

As for the much maligned giant yellow cockroach, Kalinara at Pretty, Fizzy Paradise has a great post on why the Parallax concept doesn't absolve Hal from his sins, in fact it highlights his fatal flaw, arrogance.

Finally, if anybody from the Jordan campaign happens to read this, don't get your knickers in a bunch! It's a joke for goodness sake. In fairness, here's the complete Hal Jordan press release (unfortunately without any TPCM wit).