The Planetary Chance Machine

Because Some Things Aren't Funny

2006-11-10T00:35:00.000-05:00

Ed Bradley died.
RIP 1941-2006

Pi à la Mode

2006-11-09T00:25:00.000-05:00

"Ray Palmer, you've been served!"

Explain the connection(s) between or among these elements (post title, caption and panel).

Dial B for Bye Bye Bye

2006-11-08T00:25:00.000-05:00

In honor of a great comics blog on it's final (??) day.

The REAL reason
Thanagar could never win.

So who's sucking up to whom?

(Hey, at least those pesky girls aren't trying to talk in the background!)

Gone With The "Wein"

2006-11-07T00:12:00.000-05:00

You report, we deride!

As God is my witness, I'll never go stealing again!

Editor's Note: Really folks, I didn't change this panel!

Monday Morning Misogyny

2006-11-06T00:03:00.000-05:00

The TRUTH behind how Supergirl
ended up in the 31^st century!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water

2006-11-05T17:23:00.000-05:00

From what I can tell, this may actually have been aired on the Cartoon Network Latin America!!

My apologies in advance to Scipio!

Part I

Part II

"No Soup For You!"

2006-11-04T00:03:00.000-05:00

My first post that doesn't reference comics.

Paul & Frank: Not Gay

Mature Audience Only
This program is specifically designed to be viewed by adults
and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17.
This program contains one or more of the following:
graphic violence (V), explicit sexual activity (S), or crude indecent language (L).

TRANSLATION: This isn't that bad, but some folks may not consider it work-safe.

Yeah, it's a lazy YouTube link and not comics-related, but hey, it's funny as hell!

The Legion of Substitute Posts

2006-11-03T00:22:00.000-05:00

The much anticipated "Cos's Costume Cavalcade Part II" will be slightly delayed.

There a very good reason (more like a set of reasons) for the delay. First, I thought maybe I had missed a costume in my initial search, and then I dug through my old issues and found said costume, and then discovered I was missing quite a number of issues of the Legion Baxter run, and then I spent a couple of hours looking for said issues (which I still haven't found), and then I realized the jokes I wrote for Part II were even lamer than those in Part I, and then...

Anyway, you get the idea. "Cos's Costume Cavalcade Part II" will be coming soon!

So, I wanted to stick to my self-imposed "post once a day in my 1^st month" requirement, but I don't have a "reserve bank" of posts. Then I thought, "Who better to feature in a filler than the original Legion fillers, the Subs?"

So here they are...

Cos's Costume Cavalcade, Part IA Cosmic Boy Fashion Retrospective

2006-11-02T09:57:00.000-05:00

Motivated by SallyP's giggles at Cosmic Boy's various fashions, TPCM has dug deep into Cos's closet to reveal the exhaustive history of his Legion attire. I will rely on Blockade Boy, the world's foremost authority in super-hero haute couture, to correct any of my missteps in describing these "lovely" garments.

(TPCM trivia: Haute couture is actually a legally protected term!)

Let's begin with Cos's 1^st costume from his premier appearance in Adventure #247, 1958.

**Here we see Cosmic Boy wearing a smart ensemble, a pink top accented with black and lavender sans-a-belt pants.**

Encyclopedia Galactica...Early in it's history, the Legion required members to be inoculated against the "Stupidity Virus" (first identified, Old Earth sector "District of Columbia", circa January 2001). Instead of protecting Legionnaire's from the Stupidity Virus, the vaccine caused active infection, resulting in the need for Legionnaires to wear costumes bearing their names and have placards describing their super-powers.

On the occasion of his 2^nd appearance, Cosmic Boy had already changed uniforms; however, in fairness, so had Lightning Lad & Saturn Girl. (Thank God!)

**Cos's new attire featured a more varied pink and lavender color scheme with the addition of re-dyed shoulder fins stolen from Lightning Lad's old costume.**

Cover shot is shown to illustrate the color scheme was intended, not a result of bad reproduction and to provide a gratuitous Cos butt shot.

The third Legion story (Action Comics #267) featured Supergirl and another costume change for Rokk. In addition to the three founding members, we saw Chameleon Boy, Colossal Boy and Invisible Kid. The effects of the "Stupidity Virus" infection were still in evidence: The Legionnaires think they are the children of the Legionnaires seen in the two previous stories and still need written cards to remind them what their powers are!

Cos thought either lavender was "too gay" or his last costume was just "too busy".
These togs showed off an all-pink look (which is certainly *much* "less gay" than lavender).

"Hey, Lightning Lad. You may want to queer it down a notch there!
The whole "hands-on-the-hips" thing works for Superman.
It makes you, however, look like a pretentious queen!"

It can be argued the above panels represent the "final" Cosmic Boy uniform for many years. But, the right panel clearly shows the bottom half of Rokk's costume colored all pink, not with the black go-go shorts associated with his "classic look". To put any questions to rest, let's take a look at the next unequivocal shot of Cos's garb from Adventure #293, 1962. (Besides it gives me an excuse to use a panel showing the Brain-Globes of Rambat.)

It only took 4 years and almost the same number of costumes,
but Cosmic Boy finally had the togs that would last for 14 years.

From The Rimborian Working Girl's Guide to Cooking...For comfort food that's easy to make and will be sure to please both you and those pesky tricks who demand to be fed, try a simple, but delicious, dish of eggs scrambled with Rambatian Brain-Globes and served with a side of hash browns. To begin...

Here ends the Silver Age versions of Cosmic Boy's attire. Next we'll venture boldly into the costumes from the Bronze Age and beyond!

Coming tomorrow from TPCM,
Cos's Costume Cavalcade, Part II.

TPCM Note: Panel placement edited to improve display at 800x600.

Exposition Gone Wild! Smallvillle Style

2006-11-02T00:45:00.000-05:00

Is there ANY REASON to read the story?

5 + 2 = 7: 52 Week 26 in 7 panels

2006-11-02T00:36:00.000-05:00

Bitty Broken Booster

Much Missed Martian

Waxing Wise Waverider

Mad Machination Misogyny

Slur Slinging Sivana
Raw Reptilian Romance

TPCM Note: Panel placement edited to improve display at 800x600.

TPCM Investigates:Of (Super) Human Bondage Redux

2006-11-01T00:35:00.000-05:00

Can the Legion defeat a tyrant?
What is the secret of an enslaved planet?
Will Superboy remember his safeword!?!

Our TPCM investigative team wasn't satisfied with Superman's explanation of his behavior during the JLA's "Switcheroo Case", that his apparent fascination with being handcuffed was "all just a joke".

So we went forward to the past, 2976 specifically, and uncovered startling evidence of a young Superman's indoctrination into the world of B&D!

The TPCM staff can't decide which is more shocking:
Superboy's eagerness for discipline or Lightning Lad's knowing smirk.

You be the judge!

Coming soon from TPCM Investigates...
Green Lantern & Green Arrow:
What really happened in the back of that truck
during their "Search for America".
(Any resemblance to FVP023 is coincidental.)

Editor's Note: For a far less amusing version, i.e., the original, of the panel, click here.

A Halloween Fright, Legion-Style

2006-10-31T00:12:00.000-05:00

The scariest thing you'll see on a comics blog
this Halloween or ever!

Not the Heart of Darkness totin' (already bat-sh*t crazy)
Jean Loring

Not the emo vampire,
Andrew Bennett of I, Vampire

Not even the Pre-COIE, possessed
Professor Lang!

No, ladies and gentleman,
I give you the most horrifying site
you will ever behold...

Steve Ditko's art on the Legion!!!
BE AFRAID!
BE VERY AFRAID!!

T&A PSA: Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2006-10-30T23:03:00.000-05:00

Breast Cancer Resources

National Cancer Institute

American Cancer Society

National Breast Cancer Foundation

How to perform a breast self-exam (NBCF)

Yeah, I know Breast Cancer Awareness Month is almost over. But I realized today it was still BCAM and I do have a blog, so I should do a short public service announcement.

Above are four links that will provide good starting points if anyone wants to learn more about breast cancer.

To my male readers, men DO get breast cancer too! (It's relatively rare though.) Regardless, if you have a wife, a girlfriend, a sister or a mom, it wouldn't hurt you to learn a few basics about the disease.

To my female readers, you know the drill:

Do monthly breast self-exams.

Get an annual mammogram if you're 40 or older.

If other women in your immediate family have had breast cancer (especially at a young age), talk to your doctor about what you can do to better monitor your breast health.

As you may know, there are genetic tests to detect inherited gene mutations associated with breast cancer. Typically, only women who come from "high-risk" families are recommended for these tests. Having one of these mutations does not mean a women will get breast cancer. If you consider or your doctor recommends taking such a test, please talk to a genetic counselor or other similar professional before taking the test. (Most doctors should suggest this, but some may not.)

Finally, if you ever have the chance to participate in a epidemiologic study of breast cancer (or any cancer) either as a case or a control (someone without the disease), please seriously consider it. Such studies are vital to cancer research efforts. Participating in a study, particularly if you have (or have recently had) breast cancer, probably doesn't sound like fun. But usual participation only involves a 1-2 hours long interview and sometimes a brief follow-up interview. That small sacrifice of time can make a big contribution to cancer research.

We will now resume with our regular programming. Thank you.

And What Does It Spell? LEGION!

2006-10-29T21:30:00.000-05:00

I promised a bonus to the Legion "Gimme a..." series, and here it is. The cover from LSH #300 featuring the Legion as rendered by 34 different artists!

At the time of publication, the editor held a contest for readers to identify the penciller/inker team (or single artist) for each Legionnaire. I thought I'd post both the cover & artist list for any of you who are in desperate need for something else on which to waste your valuable time.

I'm not making this an "official" TPCM contest. ('Cause I've got bupkus for a prize, and more importantly, I'd hate to throw a party & have nobody come!)

But if you're so inclined, feel free to post your guesses for any or all characters in the comments section. I'll post the list of characters and artists (& the names of folks with correct answers, if anyone takes a stab at it) next Sunday.

Knock yourself out!

They Elected This Guy Mayor of Star City?

2006-10-28T19:50:00.000-04:00

Ollie, did ya borrow that from Eros or
do you always carry golden arrows around?

Dorian at (postmodernbarney.com) was picking on Green Arrow earlier this week. So in my effort to prove I have absolutely no original contributions to the blogosphere and can only steal ideas from blogs far superior to my own, I thought I'd post these panels and take a shot at GA too!

In truth, after finishing my just-purchased Seven Soldiers trades, I wanted to re-read JLA #100-102, the first mention of the Nebula Man (albeit in flashback). When I happened upon these panels, I remembered Dorian's post and thought, "Why the hell not?" Hey folks, at least I'm stealing ideas from only the best blogs on the web!!

I understand these panels were needed to explain why nobody could deliver the Nebula Rod to The Hand That Holds The Earth without risk of death (and to set-up Red Tornado for the beginning of his never-ending death/resurrection cycle).

Fate's comment that Superman is venerable to magic holds water since the Nebula Man was at least partly magical in nature.

However, Green Arrow's point?

Take a look at the hand.

Do YOU see any damn golden wooden arrows poking out of that thing??

And I ask again, "Where the hell did GA get that arrow?"

Judge & Jury: SLSH #23

2006-10-28T19:40:00.000-04:00

I was one of the unfortunate souls who faced the decision, "Do I pay $10 for the variant cover issue or do I wait until the one non-mentally impaired chimp who works for Diamond comes back from vacation and gets the regular issue shipped?" There was little debate: A month is long enough to wait for a new issue; a month and a week, simply intolerable! Plus the Adam Hughes cover is very nice!

The story:
The main story features Brainy, Cos, Saturn Girl and Light Lass taking Supergirl to Rokyn (home of now-enlarged Kandor) to disabuse her of the notion "it's all just a dream". Whilst there, Brainy has a pre-cog moment, and they encounter members of the re-imagined Legion of Super-Villains. The bad guys include Jeyra Entinn ("Saturn Queen", first seen in SLSH #19), a male who may be "Crystal Kid", a female who could be "Lamprey" (or perhaps a powered-up "Calorie Queen") and a male who I think is "Lazon", first seen in the League of Super-Assassins storyline. And we get a final splash-page appearance of Mon-El!

Cutaway moments include Element Lad and Triplicate Girl(s) doing a "robot rebellion" recon in the lower Metropolis. These scenes feature two Luornus finding Chlorophyll Kid, who's being set-up as a Legion "plant" by a mysterious shadowed figure (Tarik, the not-so Mute?) and one Luornu sharing a tender embrace with Element Lad. (I'm shamelessly stealing the Chlorophyll Kid "plant" thing from Matthew's review at Legion Abstract!)

The other side story shows Shadow Lass and Atom Girl on Talok VIII, with Shady and her now brother, Grev, slugging it out, a glimpse of Talokian culture & Shady's role as planetary protector and Vi suggesting Shady run for Legion leader.

My thoughts:

Although I was pleased with Adam DeKraker's fill-ins, it was a real treat to have Barry Kitson back (love that man's art).

The introduction of Rokyn puts yet another nail in the coffin of Byrne's 1986 Superman reboot. All we need now is Beppo, the Super-Monkey! Seriously, I'm glad Rokyn's been established as highly isolationist; it's not a great idea to have too many super-powered Kryptonians running around.

Briany states explicitly, "Even in this day and age, we haven't yet perfected temporal travel." I guess that means we won't see time-hopping Legion tales any time soon, which suits me just fine. But it definitely implies folks in the 31^st century are working on it.

The whole "we've gotta shanghai Kara to Krypton so she won't hurt anybody" thing left me grimacing a little. Sure she might go a little wonky if & when she gets over this "it's a dream" fantasy, but "Hello?", Brainy's got a big honking Green K chunk potent enough to put her on her *ss after a few seconds. Seems like enough to take care of a freaked out Supergirl if necessary.

There are two instances where Brainy anticipates future events: one is arguably pre-cog, the other, unequivocally. What this means in terms of a future for Dream Girl, I don't know. (Matthew has an interesting take on this.)

The Element Lad/Triplicate Girl embrace was cute, and maybe if Luornu's got a boyfriend, she'll have less time to be Cos's narc. (Though as we saw in #3, she could still snoop around for Cos and get jiggy with Jan all at the same time!) Let's just hope years from now in an effort to force a square peg into a round hole, Luornu's "secret origin" isn't updated to reveal she's really a guy who's so internally homophobic that he took a drug to turn into a girl so she could have sex with boys!

The thought of Shady being leader is interesting given her head-strong, "punch first", hedonistic nature. Shady was never leader in the classic Legion, and I don't think she was in the post-Zero Hero one either.

Please let it be "Mon-El"! Not "Lar Gand", not "Valor", but Mon-frakking El! Come on this is New Earth; while we're retconning things, is it too much to ask to have a young Clark Kent encounter Mon, think he's his brother and put him in the Zone!?! The cover of ACTION COMICS ANNUAL #10 has really got me hoping this wish is going to come true.

Overall:

Another solid issue from WnK. The story should please both the "not enough action" crowd and "let's wrap-up the Supergirl arc" folks. I can't wait for the next issue!

Gimme a "N" orNura! Nura! Nura! Nura!

2006-10-28T12:23:00.000-04:00

I told you not to f*ck with Dreamy!

The Legion of Superheroes #288, "The Legionnaire's Made For Burning"

Since I started the "Gimme a" series with Dreamy flirting, it seems only fitting I should end it with Nura really showing off her stuff. These panels from LSH #288 mark the beginning of Levitz's evolution of Dream Girl that would continue through his 80s run.

Dream Girl, Shadow Lass, Mon-el and Ultra Boy have gone to Orando, Princess Projectra's home world, to save Jeckie and Karate Kid from being executed by Jeckie's grandmother, Hagga, in her play for Orando's throne. (Gee, I thought my family had issues!)

With two of the most powerful Legionnaires on hand, who saves the day? Nura, of course!!

I love this scene because in addition to being a fantastic Dream Girl moment, it illustrates why the Legion works so well as a team book: It truly is all about the teamwork. Nura frees herself, using her willpower alone and pretends she's a witch who can block out the sun. Shady uses her power to further the ruse. Nura whacks the bejesus out of Hagga, causing her spells to dissipate, and the freed Legionnaire's kick some bad guy *ss! Great Legion teamwork!

With that, the "Gimme a" series ends. (I wasn't going for "Legion of Super-Heroes"; that would take almost a month of posts to do!) There will be a "bonus" installment tomorrow, but the series proper is over.

I hope longtime Legion fans have enjoyed this and people who've never read the Legion are tempted to try out the current series. It's well worth the read!

Apology and Question:What to kill first? Blogger Beta or IE !?!

2006-10-27T18:48:00.000-04:00

I sincerely apologize to everyone using Internet Explorer who has visited TPCM since Sunday, October 22^th.

It turns out of a couple my posts this week had ending "span" statements that were NOT terminated properly. Blogger Beta gave no warning and readily accepted my publishing the posts.

In Firefox 1.5 (my default browser), these unclosed statements didn't cause any problems; however, in Internet Explorer 6.0, they caused style changes in preceding posts and in my sidebar!! The style changes basically rendered everything unreadable.

I discovered this problem in IE a few minutes ago, and I think I've fixed everything.

If you have encountered this problem, I am very sorry and I implore you, please don't give up on TPCM!!

I will do my best to try and avoid such problems in the future (or at least try to make sure I don't let 5 days pass before I realize them)!

Thanks.

QL (who is so incredibly vexed right now!!!)

TPCM NOTE: Edited to change "who" to "what" in post title. Vexation makes QL's grammar suffer!

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall...

2006-10-27T08:04:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week, I had NPR's All Things Considered playing in the background. I was focused on my work, not really listening to the radio.

Until... I think I hear the words "reflecto porn".

It's amazing how rapidly the human brain can respond. Immediately my blogging-addled, randomly-firing neurons generated this:

Reflecto Porn
Noun
The explicit depiction of sexual subject matter, involving Superboy's body, inhabited by the amnesic consciousness of Ultra Boy and disguised as a red-headed third entity. May or may not include simulated snuff imagery.
Usage: Luornu was disturbed, yet somewhat aroused, after she inadvertently found Chuck's large collection of Reflecto porn.

The Legion of Superheroes #282 & #279, respectively

After "googling" the term, I discovered the truth of reflectoporn is far more horrifying than even my twisted mind could have envisioned!

Editor's Note: Turns out the NPR piece was an interview with Paul Dikson, the author of Slang: The Topical Dictionary of Americanisms.

Gimme an "O" orRock on, Garth!

2006-10-27T00:39:00.000-04:00

"Qui sème le vent récolte la tempête."

Superboy & The Legion of Superheroes #244, "A Madman Shall Lead Them"

This comes from the "League of Super-Assassins" storyline, which introduces Blok, a member of the league. Blok would eventually aid the Legion (SLSH #270) and become a Legionnaire. However, here's he's having his *ss served to him by Polar Boy from the Subs.

The two-part story itself was not outstanding and had an obvious plot hole so large Anna Nicole Smith could stumble through it. But I liked these panels because they're classic Blok: introspective and not given to rashness. A great Blok scene, even if he was technically a bad guy at the time and the dialogue is a slightly altered version of an old proverb.

Since I've panned the overall story today and bad-mouthed its author, Gerry Conway, earlier in the week, I am obligated to say this: "During his tenure, Conway made a significant contribution to the Legion mythos when he created Blok."

There, I said something nice about Conway's run on the Legion. Make a note. Tell your children. Have them tell their children. Pass this moment down through the ages. It may never happen again!

Gimme an "I" orI Want You To Want Me

2006-10-26T00:31:00.000-04:00

"Feelin' all alone without a friend,
you know you feel like dyin'.
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?"

Adventure Comics #369, "Mordru The Merciless"

These panels come from the classic story featuring the debut of Mordru. I first read the story in an oversized tabloid reprint. I think it was the 2^nd or 3^rd Legion story I ever read, and I loved it.

The tabloid edition had some extras including the 2-page Bouncing Boy/Duo Dasmel wedding shot (with a diagram explaining who everyone was), a layout of the Legion headquarters and some panel shots from various stories feature different rooms in the headquarters. All that for $1.00. Those were the days!!

I liked the story for many reasons, not the least of which was this quiet scene with Luornu, upset she can't get Superboy to notice her . My heart just broke for her!!

While Jim Shooter may not have always handled females characters as well as he should have (see Silver Sexist Gold), he was right on the money with this one.

Yeah, I'm a sucker for hopeless crushes. Always have been, always will be.

Silver Sexist Gold

2006-10-25T01:13:00.000-04:00

Scipio's announced The Absorbascon Balloon Awards contest, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to enter some Silver Age Legion panels with a recurring theme.

The first entry is by Ed Hamilton; the 2^nd two, Jim Shooter. In addition to the text entries as submitted, I'm posting the source panels as well.

Adventure Comics #319, "The Legion’s Suicide Squad", 1964
Spoken By: Brainiac 5
Spoken To: Saturn Girl
Situation: Using The Planetary Chance Machine, the Legion has just chosen members for a dangerous mission on the planet Throon. Brainiac 5 announces the selections.
Word Balloon: “Saturn Girl, Bouncing Boy Superboy, Lightning Lad, Chameleon Boy and Invisible Kid! But... It’s too dangerous for a girl! I must eliminate you, Saturn Girl!”
Virtues: Silver Age sexism means never having to say you’re sorry. (Plus the preceding panel has The Planetary Chance Machine. And not just any panel, but the very panel featured in the TPCM logo!)

Action Comics #378, "The Forbidden Fruit", 1969
Spoken By: Light Lass
Spoken To: Timber Wolf
Situation: Timber Wolf has become addicted to the Lotus Fruit, needs more and has met his dealer in an alley. After Light Lass floats away the basket of Forbidden Fruit, Timber Wolf asks, “What are you doing?”
Word Balloon: “Trying to help you, love!... Watch me! I’m wiring this basket... If one fruit so much as wiggles, the blast grenade strapped to my belt explodes! Touch that fruit and I die!”
Virtues: It provides an important lesson to all girlfriends in every time period: if you really loved your drug-crazed boyfriend, you’d be willing to let him kill you for a fix. F*ck rehab! (And Light Lass used that same tactic and those EXACT words AGAIN, after catching T-Wolf and Queer Legion in the boys dorm. I told T-Wolf he should lock the door. And let me tell you, you don't ever want Light Lass to wire your basket!)

Adventure Comics #368, The Mutiny of the Super-Heroines", 1968
Spoken By: Supergirl
Spoken To: Light Lass (on panel), Saturn Girl and Princess Projectra (off panel)
Situation: While the female Legion members “add feminine touches to their new dorm section” (Shooter’s exact words), they discuss the ambassador of Taltar, a planer ruled by women, where they, not men, are the dominant sex. Light Lass comments that Supergirl’s just as strong as Mon-El or Superboy.
Word Balloon: “Not really! Though our strength has never been accurately measured, theoretically, Superboy is stronger than I, just as a normal boy is stronger than a normal girl!”
Virtues: The only thing better than Silver Age sexism from the guys, is having the girls put themselves in their place!

Gimme a "G" orThe Boy of Steel

2006-10-25T00:32:00.000-04:00

No snark. Just a thing of beauty.

Superboy and The Legion of Super-Heroes #231, "A Day In The Death Of A World!"

There are those occurrences in comics when words and pictures come together to create something special. This is one of those pages.

I liked having Superboy in the Legion. Hell, he was probably why I picked up my first issue. I had no idea who the Legion was.

But after I got over the "Who's Who" of the Legion, I rarely got excited about Superboy. His character moments weren't that great; he was just a "little Superman" or our 20^th century POV man most of the time. With a few exceptions.

You could glance at this panel and think, "Oh, there's Superboy getting ready to punch something again." You could, but you'd be missing a shining example of where he was actually Superboy: trying his damnedest not to let a planet die at the hands of the Fatal Five and not all sure that he can succeed. Look at Sherman's close-up in the 3^rd panel. That's not the face of man who knows he's going to win; that's the face of a boy who knows he's going to try.

TPCM Investigates:"Of (Super) Human Bondage"

2006-10-24T07:46:00.000-04:00

"I don't need the key.
Me likey the handcuffs! Isn't that right, Batman?"

Justice League of America #168, "The Last Great Switcheroo"

After observing Superman's less than "Big Blue Boy Scout" behavior in JLA #144, the crack investigative team here at TPCM decided dig further into Superman's sordid sexual past.

And not since MSNBC's "To Catch A Predator"^* have we seen such depravity! Superman's into B&D!!

Tsk tsk, Kal-EL. What would Ma Kent think?

^*Editor's Note: If you haven't seen this MSNBC series, you should check it out. It's a great example of how video journalism has slipped from the low rung of "info-tainment" to the cesspool of "reality TV" all in the name of the public good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not "pro-predator", but come on, this is really bad!!

And an unedited panel, I swear. Thank you, Gerry Conway!!

Gimme an "E" or Dreamy's not the only one who can flirt

2006-10-24T00:12:00.000-04:00

He ain't heavy, he's my Ultra-Boy

Legion of Super-Heroes #262, "The Planet That Captured The Legion"

At first I was just going to post the bottom half of the 1^st page & the top three panels of the 2^nd, but after reading them again, I had to post the full monty (plus it shows off more of Jim Sherman's art).

These pages really stick out in mind as fun. The Legion had recently been through some rough sh*t: The Earth War; Crazy Brainy trying to frame Ultra Boy and then destroying the Legion headquarters (which is what they are rebuilding in this scene); and the discovery their benefactor's, R.J. Brande, fortune had been stolen by the Earth Gov president. These panels just said, "No matter how bad it gets, this is the Legion."

Which was a good mantra to remember in the coming years since this issue occurred during the beginning of Gerry Conway's run on the Legion!!

Don't get me wrong, Conway has written plenty of stuff that I've liked (hell, he wrote those two pages and the rest of the issue was pretty good). But overall, his Legion stories just never "clicked" with me. Sorry Gerry!

Gimme a "L" or Plus ça change...

2006-10-23T18:42:00.000-04:00

Come on Brainy, you know you wanna shake
that green booty with Dream Girl!

Legion of Super-Heroes #28, "The Lost Hero"

Legion of Super-Heroes #34, "The Universo Project, Chapter 3: Forgotten Foe"

I’m posting a bit late on Monday. For anybody who checked TPCM earlier for new stuff, here it is now.

Since I had fun participating in Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week, I thought, “Why not try another theme week?”

This week’s series features some of my favorite Legion of Super-Heroes “character” moments. These panels will not necessarily be of the “earth-shattering”, “jaw-dropping” or “in-our-next-issue” variety.

For example, today’s panel sets feature a couple of great Brainy & Nura scenes. I dug these up because I was flipping through the current Legion run this weekend and realized how much I was going to miss Dream Girl teasing Brainiac 5. (By the way Waid, thanks for killing Dreamy!!)

I like the first set of panels from LSH #28 for two big reasons: 1) it shows the Brainy/Nura interactions seen in the current run are not without precedent and 2) it’s an object lesson to today’s comic writers that you don’t need a 20-issue arc for good character development. Even if a reader picked up LSH #28 as her first issue, she’d easily be able to figure out from those seven panels Brainiac 5’s a no-nonsense kind of guy and Dream Girl’s a coquettish bombshell who’s much smarter than she might appear.

I like the second panel set just because it’s such a great Dream Girl line.

Say what you will about Paul Levitz, but there’s no dispute the man’s a damn good writer!! Maybe when Waid hands down the creative reins, Levitz will come back for a run. (You hear that Paul? I know you read TPCM, so think about it!)

B/CAW Part VII or And The Coin Toss Winner Is...

2006-10-22T00:00:00.000-04:00

When planning for the final day of Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week, I was torn.

The previous 6 days had featured 3 cheese and 4 beef cakes; 4 Legion and 3 Lantern pics.

In a sense of universal balance, should have a female Lantern-related pic? On the other hand, since this is TPCM and I love the beefcake, should I have a male Legion-related pic?

So there was the coin toss.^*

And the winner is....
Phantom Lad

What Phantom Lad would have asked if Rokk hadn't interrupted him:
"We challenge you to
tell us why the hell I'm wearing this ridiculous costume!!"

Superboy (staring The Legion of Super-Heroes) #212, "Last Fight For A Legionnaire"

What's up with that costume? There's not enough of it to even be a wrestling singlet; it's more like a Speedo with straps! Still you can't complain, Grell knew how to drawn a man's body.

And because it's the final day of Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week, not only do you get a Legion reject beekcake panel, but a TPCM-enhanced one to boot!!

Here ladies and gentleman, we have the secret origin of Cosmic Boy's Grell-era costume! He was so taken with the way Phantom Lad's costume looked, he decided that he must too have a costume that exposed as much skin as possible.

You think I jest: pull out Issue #215, a mere three issues later, and what do we have? The debut of Cosmic Boy's new costume!!

Tell your friends, you saw it here first on TPCM!

Finally, my special thanks to Kalinara & Ragnell for sponsoring Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week!! I had lots 'o fun with it!

^*Editor's Note: Do you really think there was actually a coin toss?
And I'm not posting the unaltered panel because there were no other changes than the addition of Cos' thought balloon.
TPCM NOTE: Edited to include a shot of Cos's new costume from #215.

ERROR! MS Excel can't calculate. Circular reference

2006-10-21T16:54:00.001-04:00

Matthew at Legion Abstract wrote an excellent analysis of the WnK Legion's Invisible Kid. I posted a lengthy comment in response to one aspect he raised about the nature of Lyle's behavior.

Because I put more thought into that 1 comment than I have on any single post on TPCM to date, I'm posting my comment here as well. (Hey, I'm lazy; this is an easy way to generate another post!!)

I'm not posting the text of Mattew's article because a) I haven't asked his permission and b) it would make this one hell of a long post. This post is comprehensible without having read Matthew's, but you really should read his. (So pop over to his site and READ IT DAMMIT!)

Re: The nature of Lyle’s behavior. I think looking at it as a reaction to “child abuse” and in response to “father” issues is close to the mark but a bit too specific. Instead, I would suggest his behavior is a general result of his feelings of social impotence and under-appreciation and are passive-aggressive in nature. (DISCLAIMER: I’m not a behavioral expert so bear with me).

It’s pretty well-established, outside of Brainiac 5, Lyle is the most intelligent Legionnaire (Even though Triplicate Girl called Sun Boy “scary smart”, I don’t think she meant so in terms of sheer intellect). Lyle’s father exploited his intelligence to get an invisibility serum for the SP. Brainy recruited him, not solely for his power (maybe not even primarily), but his intellect. The opening page of LSH #7 supports this suggestion on Brainy’s true thoughts: a) Brainy has Lyle in his lab assisting. Brainy isn’t going to let anybody near his systems who won’t be of real help. b) Brainy calls Lyle a “gathering of carbon”. Brainy reserves his most biting comments for those with abilities he genuinely respects (see reactions to Light Lass, Star Boy and Dream Girl).

How is Lyle treated despite his intelligence? As he puts it in LSH #4, “See what sucks about accomplishment is that sometimes parents focus on it and not you. Doesn’t matter how unique or bright or colorful you try to be – you’re only as good as you’re last grading period.” His treatment by the other Legionnaires has been similarly dismissive: Ultra Boy’s “So my dog could find you” (LSH #1) in regard to his self-endowed powers; Light Lass’s “Well, I think he’s cute.” comment, complete with hair ruffling that makes Lyle seem like the team’s new puppy; and Cosmic Boy’s “Shut up. And pay attention as I demonstrate to you what teamwork is.” after discovering Lyle’s concealment of his dad being a SP chief.

Lyle’s reactions follow a classic passive-aggressive pattern. Some of the panels you feature support this: Lyle faces people and situations in which he’s relatively powerless. He “provokes” [sic] in many instances not overtly and in a way that elicits a strong negative response. This behavioral pattern allows Lyle the luxury of trying to assert himself, while maintaining his self-perception of being an under-appreciated victim. Furthermore, you may be correct in your assessment that “his power matches the desire of an abused child to hide, to disappear, to not be there anymore” [sic], but I view Lyle’s power as more a metaphor of his own feelings of social impotence and lack of recognition by those around him. Lyle feels “invisible”, especially to those from whom he craves recognition the most.

Lyle is being portrayed as the “low man on the totem pole” in the series. I use that phrase specifically because of its slang meaning and ironic true meaning. The slang meaning: Lyle’s at the bottom of the Legion’s social order. People regard him as a “kid” even in a group of kids; he’s not trusted because of his powers and his deceptions; and even after he’s the one who figures out the key to stopping the Lemnos invasion, the only person who gives him real credit (or at least verbally expresses it to him) is another relatively socially-isolated member, Shrinking Violet. The phrase’s ironic meaning: in Native American cultures, the totem’s lowest figure is one of the more important (being created by the chief artisan). Lyle is one the more important members of the team; the stories so far make this quite clear. And I completely agree with you that we’re seeing him mature in his interactions with people. Waid is giving us an excellent (albeit gradual) tour of Lyle’s development as a strong team member.

There you have it gentle readers, the first TPCM post that was actually serious!! (With the exception of one lame joke; see Editor's Note.)

Editor's Note: The post title is a joke on the error you get in MS Excel when you create a formula that includes a reference to the cell containing the formula. Since this post has a link to Matthew's post, which has a comment containing a link back to this site, it's a circular reference. (Can you tell I work in Excel too much? And yes, jokes you feel the need to explain really can't be that funny!)

OFFICIAL Legion Proclamation: It's "The WnK Legion"TM

2006-10-21T15:22:00.000-04:00

Since there isn't an "official" name for the current Legion version, I hereby declare that all references to this version shall be indicated by "WnK Legion"^TM* for the following reasons (beyond the mere fact I say so):

It prevents conflicts over exactly how many versions there have been and confusion with title volume numbers.
(i.e., Is this the 3rd or 4th version; does the TMK Legion count as a separate version?)

It avoids multiple names of this version from coming into common usage.
(e.g., Is is the TMK Legion, the FYL Legion, the PostGap Legion?)

It follows in the "DnA" style and provides a nomenclature for subsequent versions.
(Official nomenclature: creating author's last initial, "n", creating artist's last initial)

It preempts the coining of any derogatory names for this version.
(a la the "Archie" Legion)

It's easy to say: the "wink" Legion.
(Not to be confused with the "Twink" Legion; that's a very special screenplay I'm working on!)

Since I've trademarked* the name, I'll make millions!!
(Bwahaha!!)

Lord Emperor QL has spoken!

*Editor's Note: "WnK Legion" is a trademark of TPCM and its subsidiaries. All royalties for use are payable to QL at TPCM.

CAW Part VI or Naughty Guardians Need Love Too!

2006-10-21T01:35:00.001-04:00

Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week nears an end...

Since all my previous entries have been from either Green Lantern or The Legion, why not continue the trend?

So TPCM proudly presents....

Lianna, Guardian of the Bustier!

Is there enough material on her to even count as a bustier?

Green Lantern #160, "Offspring"

Instead of my usual ramblings, I've coaxed a very special guest, Mr. Johnny DC, out of retirement for an important public service announcement.

Johnny, thanks for helping out today.

"I'm always glad to help QL. It's swell to be here and you're a swell fellow.

Boys and girls, I want to talk to you about good clean living. Living an upstanding life is important not just because it's the moral thing to do, but also it's good for you.

Take Lianna up there. Years of long nights filled with drinking, smoking and recreational drugs led from a body like that to this:

Remember boys and girls, 'healthy living' or this could happen to you !"

Great job Johnny. And next time here at TPCM... "Hey, where the hell is my money!?! I wanna see a Franklin right now ! And where're the women and the booze? You said there'd be women here, you damn queermo. Who wrote that sh*t anyway? 'Healthy living' my ass!! I've read better copy written by Bates when he was tripping! Let me tell you... " Well readers, I should go and make sure Johnny gets his promised "honorarium" for the visit. And who knows, if I can scrounge up another hundred bucks, a fifth of Jack and a copy of "Debbie Does Dallas", maybe I can convince Johnny DC to stop by again.

Til next time,
QL

Editor's Note: The photo of the female Guardian was taken from Green Lantern #4.

B/CAW Part V or The Legion's 2 for 1 Coma-ploitation

2006-10-20T00:20:00.001-04:00

It's Friday AND Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week here at TPCM, so that means...

Twice The Legionnaires, Twice The Comas,
Twice The Exploitation !!

Superboy and The Legion of Super-Heroes #233, "The Final Illusion"
AND
The Legion of Super-Heroes #293, "Within The Darkness..."

Really I didn't intend to copy Kalinara. She has a giant, I have a giant; she has an unconscious women, I have an unconscious women. It's all coincidence I swear!

Today's first panel* features Mike Nasser's beautifully drawn Projectra from the backup in SLSH #233, on the surface, not a bad story, BUT the implication regarding Projectra is pretty bad. At this point in history, Projectra was basically a two-note character: rich princess and Karate Kid's girlfriend. So what should you do to expand her character? Create a story where she's in a coma because she misses her boyfriend so much she can't bear to face reality and turns her power of illusion inward to create a "perfect world". Way to go guys!! (And what's worse, Paul Levitz wrote it. He made up for it in the '80s though.) That said, it's still a good story and has great art.

The second panel is from the Great Darkness Saga after Mon-El's been "coma-tized" by Darkseid. What's interesting about the panel is it's one of the few times (if only?) we see Mon-El with body hair. If memory serves, almost every bare-chested Mon shot showed him with a smooth torso. So gentle readers, we may have here evidence that Mon-EL is a shaver. Obviously between the time spent fighting the Servants of Darkness and the time in the coma, his chest hair grew back. Mon-EL dude, you’re not a porn star; you don’t have to shave your chest. Embrace your furriness!!

*Editor's Note: Panel was edited to remove pesky partial word ballons.

BAW Part IV or No-name: My Big Gay Brother

2006-10-19T10:51:00.000-04:00

In an effort to stop posting my Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week contributions so late in the day...

"Pardon me sir, but you want that in WHAT size?
XXXXXXL?"

Legion of Super-Heroes #14

No, this is not MY big gay brother; it's the current Legion Colossal Boy's. I call him "No-name" because I don't think we know his name yet. Just for those who don't read the current Legion, Colossal Boy comes from a race of giants, created by Bizzaro Brainiac no less (who says zaniness ended in the Silver Age?).

What's interesting about the context is that Shrinking Violet knocks the poor guy out in the next panel!! We're told on the following page, the microscopic Imskian civilization worships Brainiac 5 for some reason.

Based on her reaction to No-Name, I'll bet Violet's backstory has something to do with Brainy rescuing her people from enslavement by... wait for it... a GIANT (which could be any normal-sized person considering the perspective).

CAW Part III or Nura Nal: She's My Gal!

2006-10-18T22:36:00.000-04:00

Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week continues...

No joke here.
I can't bring myself to be a smart*ss when it comes to Dream Girl.
It would be sacrilege!

The Legion of Super-Heroes #290, "And The Servant Shall Be A Sign"
"The Great Darkness Saga"

When Dream Girl was first introduced (Adventure Comics #317, "The Menace of Dream Girl"), she had great character potential. She charmed the boys, pissed off the girls and then turned into a total shrew, having everyone on the team removed from active duty. Of course, it was all an act to protect the Legionnaires from a fiery death she had foreseen. It didn't work out so well for Dreamy though: turns out the dream was slightly off and she resigned out of nobility. Nura's character potential pretty much lay fallow after that story.

That was until Levitz's 1980s Legion run. Nura FINALLY got the character development that turned her into one of the most complex, well-written characters ever to be a Legionnaire. The above panel is from one of her greatest moments, when she annouces she's running for Legion leader.

The best part about Dreamy's development was although she became a strong leader and excellent tactician, she still played the "pouty-lipped vamp". She was so comfortable with who she was and what she could do that she really didn't give a damn what anybody else thought!

That's why I love Dream Girl!!

And in an homage to Scipio at The Absorbascon, here's a Dream Girl haiku:

Nura Nal, Dream Girl.
A smart, steady leader, but
don't fuck with her hair!

TPCM NOTE: Edited to correct repetition of the work "week" in the first line. And to correct the misspelling of "The Aborbascon" (if you're doing an homage, at least spell the guy's site correctly! Sorry Scipio!!!). Obviously QL needs to start proofing his posts!!

BAW Part II or Kyle Rayner: The Power of Tighty-Whities

2006-10-17T00:06:00.000-04:00

As part of Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week.

InterSector Memorandum

TO: Hal Jordan, Green Lantern - Sector 2814

From: Kyle Rayner, ION - Any damn where I wanna be

Subject: Your much ballyhooed butt

Date: 10/17/2006

CC: H.E.A.T.

It has come to my attention that everybody thinks your butt’s soooo hot.

In response to this matter, check me out: ripped bod, perfectly clipped body hair and amply-filled briefs.

In summary, bite me!

Green Lantern #144, "The Battle of Fire and Light"
"The Power of Ion" arc

And speaking of Hal's butt, for an array of Green Lantern butts, check out this post at SallyP's Green Lantern's Butt FOREVER!.

TPCM NOTE: Edited to correct an oversight.

And Now For Something Completely Different

2006-10-16T22:57:00.000-04:00

The Spawn of Supergirl

Who knew that Tood McFarlane was a Supergirl fan back in the day?

This letter to the editor of The Superman Family #213 (1981) would have been written around the time McFarlane was 20/21, not too many years before he got his start in comics.

But the best part of The Superman Family #213:

Giant Hornets!

Beefcake Appreciation Week or How Mike Grell Made Me Gay

2006-10-16T20:42:00.000-04:00

Since Kalinara & Ragnell have declared this week, Beefcake/Cheesecake Appreciation Week and I was planning on using this panel at some point, here's my contribution.

Damn you Mike Grell!
If a young impressionable QL hadn't seen this panel,
how different the world might have been!!

Green Lantern #91, "The Revenge of the Renegade!"

Honestly, I'm not sure what's more titillating: the "if Grell had drawn 2mm downward" this wouldn't have gotten Comics Code approval or Ollie's "grab me by the arms and ravish me" pose.

The Flash: Keeping It On The Down-Low

2006-10-14T19:52:00.001-04:00

Adobe Photoshop single-user license: $649.00
JLA #144 Near Mint condition: $45.00
The excitement on Robin's face: PRICELESS

"Iris, I wasn't with another woman."
"I was saving the planet with Superman, Batman and Robin."

What's amazing is I only had to change the narration caption, one word in Robin's ballon and three words in Batman's. Here're the original panels. This JLA issue featured the White Martins and a ton of guest stars. Not a bad story, but I don't think it had much sticking power in pre-COIE continuity.

"Truth in advertising": I did the panel changes in LViewPro (shareware) & Paint (Windows freebie) and the JLA#144 back issue only cost me $2.50.

I hope if Dick Dillin is reading this blog in heaven, he'll forgive me for desecrating his beautiful art work. But I just couldn't resist, those two panel were begging to be f*cked with.

Hal, Do You Have To Copy Everything Oliver Does?

2006-10-14T19:51:00.001-04:00

First it was imitating Oliver's "soul-searching hippie" act in the '70s. Now Hal has to follow Ollie into politics.

What's next? Is Hal going to die and then come back from the dead!?!

NORTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN PARTY
Raleigh, North Carolina 27605

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Friday, February 17, 2006

Hal Jordan Files To Run Against Speaker Jim Black

(RALEIGH) – Hal Jordan, a Republican from Charlotte, filed today to run against Speaker Jim Black in House District 100.

“I look forward to running against Speaker Jim Black and serving the citizens of southeast Mecklenburg in House District 100”, said Hal Jordan. “The allegations that have plagued the Speaker have cast a shadow of serious doubt over his credibility. My commitment is to be open and accountable in order to restore trust in the District 100 Representative.”

When Jordan was questioned by an ace reporter from The Planetary Chance Machine about his own past bad behavior, Jordan responded, "All that stuff when I killed a bunch of fellow Lanterns and the Guardians, tried to destroy the universe and in general acted like an asshat, well I was a really heavy drinker at the time. No wait, I was molested by a priest as a kid. No, no, I was possessed by a giant yellow cockroach. Yeah, that was it!"

###

You see, Mark Foley, you should have tried the "giant yellow cockroach" excuse; at least you didn't evoke the "TWINKies" defense.

As for the much maligned giant yellow cockroach, Kalinara at Pretty, Fizzy Paradise has a great post on why the Parallax concept doesn't absolve Hal from his sins, in fact it highlights his fatal flaw, arrogance.

Finally, if anybody from the Jordan campaign happens to read this, don't get your knickers in a bunch! It's a joke for goodness sake. In fairness, here's the complete Hal Jordan press release (unfortunately without any TPCM wit).

The Secret Origin of...

2006-10-14T19:50:00.000-04:00

Any Legion fan worthy of the title knows the Planetary Chance Machine was one of the zaniest devices from the Legion's Silver Age. Its function: to serve as a selection device, by smacking the Legionnaires with miniature versions of the planets.

The Planetary Chance Machine in action!
(And Superboy helpfully reminding Brainiac 5 what his name is.)

Apparently, the Capricious Decapitating Device had resulted in too many deaths during its initial testing, so the Legion had to settle on a less fatal but still pretty frelling sadistic way to pick mission members.

In honor of this insane contraption, you have before you The Planetary Chance Machine (TPCM). I'll be sharing whatever random sh*t gives me a laugh and in the process maybe give you a chuckle too. My humor can be of the "locker room" variety (see "The Flash: Keeping it on the down-low"), so if you don't care for that sort of thing, TPCM is probably not for you.

In addition to the humor, I plan on some comic reviews, pithy comments on modern culture and amateur nude photos of myself. (NOT really on that last one, but by typing that, I figure some poor schmuck googling for porn will eventually get this site as a hit!)

I can't promise daily updates, but I'll try to post more than once a year. Also, I'm using Blogger beta, so there may be unanticapted site issues; I'm a total HTML & CSS newbie.

For the record, there is a blog called "Planetary Chance Machine"; however, I found it only after I designed my logo (a totally kick-ass logo), so I HAD to stick with the name. Plus, this is THE Planetary Chance Machine.

But enough about this blog (if this were a origin story in 52, it would have taken 10 issues!),
LET THE MADNESS BEGIN.